28 January 2008

Where is the line?

It has been another busy few weeks for me... I love the summer, but it always seems to mean you are out and about!

The past couple of weekends, Delfin was running free drive-in cinema around the corner, so over 2 weekends we went and saw Hairspray (I'm not really a musicals person - but I loved it and have the songs stuck in my head), and Stardust (I was really looking forward to this movie, I enjoyed it but was a little disappointed).

Last weekend we went to Highpoint one day with one of Seans old friends he hasn't seen in years.

On Saturday (Australia day) there was a night festival on by the lake in Caroline Springs, with a market, and fireworks, so we went down to that with one of my old school friends.

This is where my dilemma's start! This old friend, it turns out is gay - I have always had suspicions, but always took the point that is was none of my business - he was my friend, and I don't really care which way he swings. After the fireworks, we went back to our place for drinks, and all had quite a few. We were talking about old times and where people we went to school with are now... then the conversation took a turn downwards.

The biggest difference between Sean and I is how conservative we are. I am very conservative, like to keep my private life private, and don't really class it as something acceptable for conversation. Sean on the other hand is the complete opposite. He is happy to give out details on how, where, how often, position, duration, ect... and he did!

My old school buddy is very similar to Sean, and is happy to listen to, and tell all details, so we got quite a few details about his love life.

Now I am going through the confusing stage of - how much info is too much info? I have always had the reputation of being a little up-tight and conservative, and now I am scared that I might loose that reputation. Should I be scared of loosing it? Does it matter what friends know - they know doubt have ideas, but should those ideas ever be confirmed?

I fear that the line between friendship and intimate relationship could be lost if I 'loosen up', and for some reason unknown to me - I have issues with intimacy. I like to have those clearly defined lines - where you can tell friends these details, but not these details. I don't want to loose my up tight reputation to gain a reputation of a 'floozy'.

I have always had trouble being emotionally intimate with people, and letting all my defencive barriers down. There is probably only 2 or so people I think I ever have let these barriers down for... otherwise I feel exposed and emotionally vulnerable.

Sean says I should not worry - and with stuff like that just turn my emotions off otherwise I risk destroying the friendship by feeling weird. Its funny cause he is the one usually telling me I am not emotional enough.

I don't know what to do, and how far and intimate I should let this friendship become, before I dig my heels in and put up my defences. If anyone sees the line I feel may have been crossed, please return it to me by way of post.

4 comments:

kat said...

Hey Andrew,
Yep.. it's me again...In regards to your recent comment about drawing the Line- I totally agree with you 100%. I mean,do we really need to know what everyone is doing,step-by step in their love lives.Hmmm...Seems a bit personal,don't you think?
I guess some people enjoy talking about it-and that's Ok too!!

After all we are all individuals right!!!!. The universe would be a boring place to live in-if everyone had the same beliefs...

I personally,prefer humour, because that way you can't hurt anyone's feelings.... Life is too short as it is. But hey that's my view anyway. Just keep being yourself and that's COOl!!!!
Just listen to Sean-he seems to be on the ball..
By the way, do you think anyone is out there in Blog land. It seems mighty quiet out there... HELLLOOO!!!.. Anyway keep the Peace. CYA

Zoya said...

First of all I think most men are emotionally distant or comservative as you put it. I am also even though Im a female (I think) As for sharing personal details to a friend I think there is a line. I would not want to know too much about my friends sexual shenanigans but then again it depends how close you are.

With close friends we women like to go into details sometimes but I stess this is with CLOSE friends not someone you havent seen in years. I think its inappropriate to get into that sort of stuff. But if your drunk and it comes out well its funny and you can laugh the next day. Its not serious so I think you should lighten up. This doesnt mean you need to go around telling everyone about your love life but if it comes out here and there thats ok.

Maybe your with Sean so you can learn to open up. They say we meet people who we need to learn something from. Sean can learn not to let it all out and you can learn to let some out.

Any way lifes too short to worry so much. I think the biggest thing we can learn is to accept ourselves and not judge ourselves so much. This will come with age since you're still in your early twenties dont expect to know everything it takes a lifetime to learn things. Im in my thirties and I am learning not to take things so seriously.

I bet your a perfectionist too. As am i but Im learning to let things go and to accept that making mistakes and not being perfect is just fine. THey say coming into your forties makes you more the person you are meant to be so Im nearly there and youve got a way to go. So relax and enjoy the ride.

This is DR Phil signing off.

Indybop said...

Don't worry too much Andrew. Just think, it could be worse - you could be like me and stuck in a house all day, looking out the window but never getting outside. No, I'm not agoraphobic, just a pussycat. Just remember that you do have friends that are there to listen if you have a 'disabled toilet' moment.

Anonymous said...

Good words.