One journey comes to an end - another begins

Well, I am saddened to say that Sean and I have decided to go our separate ways. While we will continue to live together, romantically and in all other ways we will now travel our own roads.

While I am sad that we have lost what Sean and I had, I also have a great sense of excitement with the possibilities that lay ahead. I know it will not be easy, but I think in the end both of us may benefit from calling it quit's now.

My biggest challenge will be re-creating a social life for myself, which I am slowly trying to do. I am trying to give Sean his space so he has the best chance possible to build a solid foundation with his new boyfriend, but we will continue to remain close friends.

A Rollercoaster of a week

Well the past week has been a real emotional rollercoaster... not something I am really used to. For those who didn't hear on the grapevine, Sean and I are having some problems and last weekend a number of issues came to head... which ended in a lot of upset and confussion. It also ended in Sean moving out for a couple of days... and in another world first... me actually going and seeing a psychologist (though I will still not confirm any rumours that I am psycho).

I will not go into details on the specifics of the rift between Sean and I, but will say that during the whole time we were never angry or nasty to each other, and never raised our voices.

Well, Sean is home again, and we have decided to work on what we have. Things have stabalised again, though things are shakey behind the scenes.

I really learn't this week what things mean to me. How much I love and appreciate the people I sorround myself with. I never truley appreciated how good my friends are. That they can put up with me sending them and SMS and turining up 5 minutes later and busrting into a babbling mess on them, or my friends who call me in the evening when they know I would be feeling alone, just to talk and listen, or even the friends who offer to come over with a bottle of wine and get blottoed with me!

The week started lousy, with a lot of upset, tears and emotional rollercoaster, but the good news is things improved. On Thursday I went to the VALA conference, and won an iPod! I never win anything good! A few oppertunities also presented themselves that I need to think about and confisider for my future... but more on them when my head clears a bit.

Tomorrow Sean and I are going on a 'date', we are going out for lunch then to the movies to see Sweeny Tod. Tomorrow night we are having a few guests over for dinner, so Sean is currently preparing it, and desert (chocolate moose cheese cake!) as I type this.

On my final night - life gets really good next week... Normal TV is back!!!! God bless Desperate Housewives, Lost, Dirty Sexy Money (I hope), and one of my old favourites returning, Good News Week!

Where is the line?

It has been another busy few weeks for me... I love the summer, but it always seems to mean you are out and about!

The past couple of weekends, Delfin was running free drive-in cinema around the corner, so over 2 weekends we went and saw Hairspray (I'm not really a musicals person - but I loved it and have the songs stuck in my head), and Stardust (I was really looking forward to this movie, I enjoyed it but was a little disappointed).

Last weekend we went to Highpoint one day with one of Seans old friends he hasn't seen in years.

On Saturday (Australia day) there was a night festival on by the lake in Caroline Springs, with a market, and fireworks, so we went down to that with one of my old school friends.

This is where my dilemma's start! This old friend, it turns out is gay - I have always had suspicions, but always took the point that is was none of my business - he was my friend, and I don't really care which way he swings. After the fireworks, we went back to our place for drinks, and all had quite a few. We were talking about old times and where people we went to school with are now... then the conversation took a turn downwards.

The biggest difference between Sean and I is how conservative we are. I am very conservative, like to keep my private life private, and don't really class it as something acceptable for conversation. Sean on the other hand is the complete opposite. He is happy to give out details on how, where, how often, position, duration, ect... and he did!

My old school buddy is very similar to Sean, and is happy to listen to, and tell all details, so we got quite a few details about his love life.

Now I am going through the confusing stage of - how much info is too much info? I have always had the reputation of being a little up-tight and conservative, and now I am scared that I might loose that reputation. Should I be scared of loosing it? Does it matter what friends know - they know doubt have ideas, but should those ideas ever be confirmed?

I fear that the line between friendship and intimate relationship could be lost if I 'loosen up', and for some reason unknown to me - I have issues with intimacy. I like to have those clearly defined lines - where you can tell friends these details, but not these details. I don't want to loose my up tight reputation to gain a reputation of a 'floozy'.

I have always had trouble being emotionally intimate with people, and letting all my defencive barriers down. There is probably only 2 or so people I think I ever have let these barriers down for... otherwise I feel exposed and emotionally vulnerable.

Sean says I should not worry - and with stuff like that just turn my emotions off otherwise I risk destroying the friendship by feeling weird. Its funny cause he is the one usually telling me I am not emotional enough.

I don't know what to do, and how far and intimate I should let this friendship become, before I dig my heels in and put up my defences. If anyone sees the line I feel may have been crossed, please return it to me by way of post.