Where is the line?
It has been another busy few weeks for me... I love the summer, but it always seems to mean you are out and about!
The past couple of weekends, Delfin was running free drive-in cinema around the corner, so over 2 weekends we went and saw Hairspray (I'm not really a musicals person - but I loved it and have the songs stuck in my head), and Stardust (I was really looking forward to this movie, I enjoyed it but was a little disappointed).
Last weekend we went to Highpoint one day with one of Seans old friends he hasn't seen in years.
On Saturday (Australia day) there was a night festival on by the lake in Caroline Springs, with a market, and fireworks, so we went down to that with one of my old school friends.
This is where my dilemma's start! This old friend, it turns out is gay - I have always had suspicions, but always took the point that is was none of my business - he was my friend, and I don't really care which way he swings. After the fireworks, we went back to our place for drinks, and all had quite a few. We were talking about old times and where people we went to school with are now... then the conversation took a turn downwards.
The biggest difference between Sean and I is how conservative we are. I am very conservative, like to keep my private life private, and don't really class it as something acceptable for conversation. Sean on the other hand is the complete opposite. He is happy to give out details on how, where, how often, position, duration, ect... and he did!
My old school buddy is very similar to Sean, and is happy to listen to, and tell all details, so we got quite a few details about his love life.
Now I am going through the confusing stage of - how much info is too much info? I have always had the reputation of being a little up-tight and conservative, and now I am scared that I might loose that reputation. Should I be scared of loosing it? Does it matter what friends know - they know doubt have ideas, but should those ideas ever be confirmed?
I fear that the line between friendship and intimate relationship could be lost if I 'loosen up', and for some reason unknown to me - I have issues with intimacy. I like to have those clearly defined lines - where you can tell friends these details, but not these details. I don't want to loose my up tight reputation to gain a reputation of a 'floozy'.
I have always had trouble being emotionally intimate with people, and letting all my defencive barriers down. There is probably only 2 or so people I think I ever have let these barriers down for... otherwise I feel exposed and emotionally vulnerable.
Sean says I should not worry - and with stuff like that just turn my emotions off otherwise I risk destroying the friendship by feeling weird. Its funny cause he is the one usually telling me I am not emotional enough.
I don't know what to do, and how far and intimate I should let this friendship become, before I dig my heels in and put up my defences. If anyone sees the line I feel may have been crossed, please return it to me by way of post.
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